Author: lovesdoves

I am Lisa, aka lover, mother, daughter, granddaughter, landlord, travel agent, AL (aunt lisa), bookkeeper, laudress, event planner, head chef, boss's wife, designer, Miz McCoskey, painter, Bon Bons, delegator, teacher, and faithful servant. I am a pro-woman who is daily seeking to follow God's will for my life. The standard which is the 99% perfect Proverbs 31:10 woman. I love being married and I am thankful to have a husband that I respect and honor. He has a heart for God and even though he is by nature wild, he can be tame when necessary. I think. And it doesn't hurt that he has been gifted with a very witty sense of humor and an abundance of sexiness. I am also proud to be "momma" to our three gorgeous daughters (who happen to be God-lovers as well.) As each arrived, we were exponentially blessed by God Himself and were witnesses to the miracle of life. True gifts is how they were received. And cherished greater than all other treasures. I have thoroughly, and I mean thoroughly, relished each stage of their lives and have enjoyed creating a comfortable home for our family, our family's friends, and my white dove, Oliver.

“Hey, babes…”

by lovesdoves, posted in Emotional Health, Family health, Physical health, Spiritual Health

Even with all the joy and anticipation of a new little life… my heart still aches from missing my dad, especially today. He loved his granddaughters (and sons) so much. And along with the rest of us, I know that he would be getting pretty excited about the birth of his great grandchild.

I have a very difficult time believing that he died 4 years ago. I feel like he is still such a huge part of our lives and our families. I know that is the tricks of the mind, because the day he died is so clearly painted into the memory of my consciousness that I can never escape it completely.

June 16, 2007

It was the Saturday performance of recital weekend. And it started early as they always have with lots to do. Prepping, gathering, planning, and anticipating the thrill of the day. Dad had stopped taking my calls out of exhaustion… he was sleeping more and more, so I knew that he was being challenged by this disease, I just didn’t realize the extent… I know now that my intellect was in denial about the serious reality of his health condition. He had been diagnosed with colon cancer, 45 days before. And I always knew that he would get better… I was with him when the doctor gave him the diagnosis, I was with him as we left the hospital, and he clearly told me that he was not going to die. I believed him… because I couldn’t imagine my life without him. And he was my dad. And dads are strong. Fighters. Warriors. Heroes. So when my brother, David, called the morning of June 16th and said that Dad was struggling, I knew we needed to go. All of us. Because it was time. And then life became blurred as the 5 of us got ready for the drive to Columbus in 2 separate cars. And I remember calling people and I remember Jenny helping and I remember thinking that I had to get there fast. Really fast. That I had to see him. That I had to be there. That there would be something that we could do. That this wasn’t real.

And at 11:44, we pulled up. To the house that I had lived in with my mother and father and sister and brother. And we got out. And I remember feeling so surprised because everything looked the same, and there was this beautiful sunshine and delicate breeze. A perfect day. A day for gardening. Or gathering.

Today it was for gathering. I remember hugging my mom as we came inside. Holding her tight. I remember being unafraid as I climbed the stairs to my parent’s bedroom. And walking in. And my dad was awake and I felt relief. And he said “Hey, babes”… like he always did… And then he said, “You got here fast…” And I reminded him that I learned to drive from him. And then he told me that he and David had been playing cards, and he secretly showed me the 8 of spades that he had stashed under his pillow, to ensure his own victory… and I remember trying to be so brave. For him.

The lightly perfumed breeze was lifting the curtain in the room filling it with an angelic sweetness and he told us he could see strawberry fields. And people playing bocce ball.

He knew it was time too. And he had waited for us. To say good-bye without saying the words. He laid back down. And closed his eyes. We got close to him, holding him, supporting him, while the tears streamed down our faces, and Terry prayed for mercy and for thankfulness… that we would all be together again some day. And then dad’s breathing slowed, and at 1:15, it stopped, as we held him. Loving him. Missing him already. Still missing him.

Even in the sadness of his death, I can find the joy from his life. In the songs that he would make up, that my girls still sing… or the dances he would do, that  would make us laugh… or the phrases that he would speak (that shouldn’t even be repeated), but that are still remembered (and repeated). I keep this photo on my desk, of Dad with the girls being silly together… because it always makes me smile.

It made me smile today.

Live well.

Lisa

“Tell us a story…”

by lovesdoves, posted in Uncategorized

One of the most precious memories that I have from when the girls were tiny is reading to them at night.

Freshly bathed in their little girl nightgowns, with their curls still damp from the tub, smelling preciously of baby powder and clean skin, they would lay together in Caitlin’s big girl bed and we would tell them stories. They loved to be read to as most children do, but their favorite was always when Terry and I would tell stories from our own childhood. My “little girl stories”, and his “little boy stories”… there were an unlimited supply of them and the girls loved that we could sit there and tell one after another.

However, when reading from a book was okay with them, their first choice was always Midnight Moon by Clyde Watson. Their memories provided them the words to read along, even Gracie, at the tender age of one, could follow along, and Lily would add little hand motions, a preview of a life filled with dance. The story was indelibly impressed on their minds and I would hear them recite the words at random times, like riding in the car, or waiting for dinner, or playing together, always getting the inflection just right…

“Hop into bed

And snuggle down in

And pull the covers

Up to your chin

And I’ll tell you a secret

About the night…”

It is a beautiful, magical story about visiting the man in the moon and his little brown dog, and by the end, each of the girls was yawning with the contentment that comes from feeling safe and protected and loved.

Caitlin came over to the house today, to re-collect all of her glass bead making equipment that had been safely tucked away for her… a beautiful story all it’s own… but as we were going through boxes, I found the treasure that is Midnight Moon, and it flooded my mind with a myriad of thoughts and emotions. I decided that it would be most appropriate to have this book available for my new little grandbaby. I may even make an MP3 file so that this new blessing will be able to listen to NonnaLisa tell the story whenever he or she desires. I can feel the joy bubbling up inside me as I type this.

We cherished those moments of closeness and comfort that reading and heartfelt prayers to our Heavenly Father provided our daughters before bedtime. I would blow kisses to each of them all the way down the hall and all the way down the stairs. Usually there was a light breeze and I could still smell their little girlness… I still can… they will always be my little babies… even with babies of their own.

When we establish security for our children by having a routine, something that only we can provide; when we appreciate the blessing that is their childhood, something that can never be reclaimed; and when we embrace the challenge and the joy of being our children’s earthly parents, something that God chose just for us; when we love our families… we are LIVING WELL.

LIVE WELL.

Lisa

A note about Oliver: As Terry and I are catching up on our day together, sitting and chatting, sharing stories from the day, Oliver participates in his own beautiful way by singing his own stories right along with us. All the stories sound similar to me, but I am sure that each is unique and special to him. So eventually I head toward his cage and take him out and hold him in my hand while he brushes his sweet little face against my cheek and I tell him what a wonderful story he shares. And he says thank you as he continues to sing his beautiful song.

Whatever your hand finds to do…

by lovesdoves, posted in Career Health

do it with all your might… Colossians 3:23 and also Ecclesiastes 9:10

Chicken, dolphin trainer, gymnast, cheerleader, horseback rider, jewelry designer, “silly whim”, artist, dancer, mommy, dog, jewelry maker, song writer… this is just a short list of some of the “careers” our daughters wanted to be when they grew up.  When we’re young, the world is full of limitless possibilities that are explored daily through stories and imagination! Every day is a new adventure and we think about the ideas that are thrilling to us! We dream BIG!! And then we learn that reality can be as thrilling as our wildest dream!

My husband has known since he was in the 7th grade that he would be a chiropractor. Not everyone has the advantage and privilege of knowing what their career will be that early on in life. But it was a true calling and every one of the gifts that he has is suited to this profession. He is a doctor, a teacher, and he has the communication skills to effectively reach 10’s of thousands of people a year, helping them understand the connection between their spine, their nervous system, and their lives. He is a master of the analogy, explaining spinal care to each unique person in the language they understand, whether they are engineers, mechanics, homemakers, CEO’s, or athletes, he can equate what he does to what they already know! It is a true gift! As his wife, I reap the benefit of his joy, his elation over God’s miracles as he witnesses them every single day.

My oldest daughter, Caitlin, is a servant. She has a servant’s heart and an ear with God. She is using her gifts for the purpose they were created. And I know this because of a phone call that I received from her last week. It was after her store had closed on Sunday, and she wanted to tell me about a customer that she had. It was a mom and a daughter, probably 14 or 15 years old who was at that awkward awful stage in her teen-age life, feeling less than pretty with a body that was not cooperating. She needed a dress. She hated dresses. She wanted to get slacks. Her mom sweetly told her how beautiful she was, and that she wanted to get her something that she felt comfortable in, but that was appropriate for the event that she was attending. Caitlin observed this exchange, and processed it within seconds from God’s perspective, as she is so gifted to do, and stepped in to help this mom and daughter that she could so easily relate to… this could have been Caitlin and I ten years ago, and Caitlin still remembers these conversations. Caitlin also has a knack for looking at an individual, their style, their body type, their skin coloring and choosing the perfect piece of clothing to accentuate the positive, and “de-centuate” the negative. It’s a special gift. She proceeded to get the daughter situated in a dressing room, and told her that she would bring her a variety of things for her to try on… for fun. She pulled dresses and slacks, tops, skirts, all of it, but she already knew which one would be perfect for her and the occassion. A pretty little black dress. Caitlin and the mom chatted together while the young woman changed. Caitlin confessed her similarities to the daughter and her shared dislike of dresses at that age. As they chatted, something happened in the dressing room when the girl put on the dress, she transformed into the beauty that her mom had told her she was for so many years. When she came out of the fitting room, the mom’s eyes filled with tears. And she hugged her daughter tightly. They bought the dress. Caitlin doesn’t just manage a clothing store, with faithfulness, she loves and serves people in a way that is extraordinary.

Lily is a dancer and a teacher. When she returns from the dance studio, whether it is her 3 year old pre-dancers, or a teenage group of hip-hoppers, she is springy, and her eyes are so bright, they are almost clear. She is truly happy, visibly happy from her core all the way out to her tippy toes and her jazzy hands, with stories about their progress, not just with dance technique, but how they are changing emotionally. She has the ability through teaching dance to relate to her students in a way that draws them out, and they begin to uncover a new dimension to who they are, they are expressive and deeply alive. The parents notice the difference, love the difference, and continue to bring them week after week. God created Lily to be a teacher who loves children… all of them, little, big, short, tall, shy, lively, autistic, extraverted, she loves them all and they can feel it and they love her back. I know Lily will teach dance again. It’s her gift, her passion, and it’s in her soul, a part of who she is, a part that is temporarily missing. And I can see that in her beautiful eyes too.

And Grace. Since Grace was born, she has been drawing horses, running like a horse, naying like a horse, and pretending to ride on horses. Neither Terry nor I grew up with horses, or particularly had any affinity for horses whatsoever, but we knew this was something that would be a part of Grace’s life forever and we embraced it. In 2005, when she was 12, we bought her a horse named Ca$h. They have grown up together and they have been through a lot together, more than most. Grace now works at the barn riding horses, cleaning stalls, teaching lessons, caring for other peoples’ horses, riding and training Ca$h, whatever she can do to help. Grace chooses to be there. The Riding Centre is her refuge. She seeks out the hard work and the comraderie of the people and the animals to help her make sense out of life. She gives so much of herself and when she is working with the horses or around the horses, she gets so much in return. Grace has been given the gift of gentleness and compassion and she uses those gifts to reflect God’s Glory, even in a barn.

And me… that’s a little bit trickier. I have listened very carefully and used much discernment in whose voice I was hearing throughout the past 23 years of my life. We are called to this thing or that thing, willy-nilly, one distraction after another. There are many things that I enjoy doing, and am gifted at… not to sound conceited, but it is true… haha… but throughout that time, I stayed focused on the singular idea that God needed me to be in our home, sharing our lives together as a family, the planner of all things, the organizer of our home, the teacher of our girls.

For the past 23 years, people would ask me… “So what do you do?” And I would reply with joyfulness, “I teach our children and take care of our home.” As the girls grew older and were starting high school and then graduating, people would ask me, “Sooooo, what are you going to do once the girls are all graduated?” And I would consistently reply, “Probably something.” But it would leave me wondering whether I was being remiss about my future, wondering if I should have all this worked out by now. I just knew that God would let me in on His Plans for my life when the time was right. He knew that if I had too much information and too much time to prepare, I would dive in and start figuring it out on my own. So He has only given me glimpses, little bits and pieces of my life’s puzzle. What a smart God I serve!!

During a time that I would have expected to be overwhelmingly sad, as we were driving home from moving Lily to Atlanta with her husband, God says to me, in His usual right-on-time fashion, “This is what I am going to have you do for me. I want you to help people understand the connection between living well and just living. And it is going to start with the removal of poisons from their bodies… physical, emotional, spiritual toxins that are destroying individuals, marriages, families and communities. Because people are too sick to love.” And I joyfully said, “I will.” And so I am.

We are all called to work, each one of us is given a unique set of gifts that is developed and honed over the years and will be used for the purpose we were created. When those gifts are matched with the desires of our heart and the work that we do, we are living well.

In Faith and in Love,

Lisa

P.S. Oliver is very secure in his career of being the most beautiful white dove on the planet… cooing and preening to amuse me. What a great job!

Feet…

by lovesdoves, posted in Physical health

Well, I need to talk about them. I know that most of us have a bit of an aversion regarding the topic of feet. Nobody {except one person I know} thinks that they have pretty ones and we spend lots of money on pedicures, potions and polishes to make them acceptable in society.

I am a foot abuser. Seriously. I do get the occasional pedicure when I am feeling extraordinarily sad about their condition, but when I am not in my stiletto pumps, or pointy toe boots, I am barefoot, on hot pavement, in the landscaping, by the pool, driving to the bank, running through the grass, getting Lily ready for her wedding day…

..

I love being barefoot, so you would think I would treat my feet with kindness. Maybe it’s an outward sign of solidarity and love for my bird and his {truly funky} feet. Sometimes, I will glance over at him, and he will actually be staring at them… it almost seems like he is thinking, “how could those mini dino-feet be attached to this beautiful body?”… rhetorical, of course…

The condition of my feet prompts certain clothing choices based on how they are looking on a particular day. I had a gorgeous little pair of strappy sassy sandals that I had planned to wear for my mother-of-the-bride role the day of Lily’s wedding. But my feet were stained so badly from the chlorophyll oozing from the beautiful green spring grass, that I had to go with pumps… safe, comfortable, concealing. Don’t feel bad for me, though, it worked out fine. I was happy and my feet were happy…

But as I have undertaken this detoxification process for my body… I am noticing things that I never, ever, ever would have expected. Like normal blood pressure, {from 208/176}, no more stomach pain, no more indigestion, or trouble sleeping on my left side, better rest, clearer, smoother skin, a smaller body, zest for life and get this….. pretty feet. I KNOWW!! Surprising, but true.

These unexpected side effects inspire me to keep making better choices and propel me directly toward living well… running barefoot all the way.

LIVE WELL.

Lisa

If you would like more information on how you can be living well, please contact me. It’s my mission to help others begin living their lives again in a healthier, happier way.

A Big One!

by lovesdoves, posted in Uncategorized

I just realized that I’m a hypocrite! A BIG one!

The majority of my adult life I have been an advocate of trusting God, having faith in my Heavenly Father, being obedient to His Written Word, and His Prophetic Word. I have trained up my daughters in those tenets and instructed them with joy knowing that it was a privilege and an honor to do so. Sooooo sure…. sooooooo confident….

And yet….. last week, as I struggled to manage the extreme pain of a tooth that was misbehaving in a huge way, I quickly left my convictions to fend for myself. To figure out the problem. To figure out the solution. To call someone. To see someone. To get meds for the pain. And anti-biotics for the perceived abscess that was threatening the life of my tooth. Where was the peace that comes with trusting the One that loves me so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to die on the cross for my sins? God watched.

To explain further… I consider myself someone that has a relatively high pain threshold, but the pain that I was experiencing had woken me up and had me in tears all through the night. The next day wasn’t any better. The pain was bad, but I was also mad, aware that so many people that I know are dealing with much more serious issues than a toothache, and yet here I was unable to do anything because the pain was all-consuming. There’s probably some pride issues at work here, but I was infuriated with my body… more specifically my tooth. I got in touch with my dentist who couldn’t see me because they were in the middle of an all-encompassing office relocation, but based on the symptoms, she felt certain that I had an abscessed tooth and I should see an oral surgeon immediately. She called in a prescription for narcotics and anti-biotics. I did more research. And God waited.

The options for an abscessed tooth are pathetic. I wasn’t interested in keeping a dead tooth in my mouth, or having an extraction, or an implant, or compromising two perfectly good teeth for one fake tooth. All have long-term repercussions for my over-all health and well-being that are very serious and that I have a serious problem with. All bad news. And God waited.

Enter Terry, my husband, my chiropractor, the spiritual leader of our family, the love of my life. “Let’s get you adjusted.” Alright.

As I lay on the adjusting table, after a much-needed adjustment, Terry held my head in his hands, palms over my lower jaw, and prayed. He prayed for healing, for peacefulness to come over my body and my mind, for the pain to be alleviated, for complete restoration. I wept. And God listened.

I believed for those things too. I did. I do. It’s my logical mind that understands limitation of matter and that the reversal of an abscessed tooth is… ohhhh, pretty much unheard of. So here comes the doubt. My lips were saying, “I’m holding out for a healing.” My fingers were looking on-line and dialing telephone numbers and driving me to someone I thought was an oral surgeon, even as the pain continued to subside, to be completely manageable, almost non-existent.

As she looked in my mouth and evaluated my situation, she was perplexed. When did this start? What were you experiencing? Does this hurt? Can you feel that? Completely confused. The tooth was not abscessed. I still didn’t get it. And God waited.

So today, as I sat across from my prayer warrior husband exclaiming in amazement at the lack of pain and how truly comfortable the tooth felt… he just looked at me, and said,”What did you expect, wife? We claimed it in Christ’s name.” And God smiled.

Being connected spiritually is not enough… being connected and believing and trusting… truly believing and trusting in the God of the Bible… that is living well.

In faith and in health,

Lisa

How can I help?

by lovesdoves, posted in Uncategorized

I am so thankful that I have a husband that understands me. He has taken the time to find out my love language and speaks it to me on a daily basis. I know that our relationship is harmonious because he knows that “acts of service” is the way I hear the words “I love you”. And he is patient and understanding and helpful when my to-do list is threatening to consume me alive. Words that are music to my ears? “How can I help?” And he speaks them often!

Here is the result of his latest “act of service”:

Furniture assembled, photos perfectly hung, room ready to help and serve people. He knew it mattered to me, and he knew how he could help. He never feels the obligation of holidays to “catch up”, he knows how to show me he loves me everyday of the year.

To reflect on  your own love language and those closest to you, please go to the Love Language on-line quiz, and take the free 30 question test. Then get a copy of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman to learn how to love better.

Love others the way they feel loved and LIVE WELL!!

Lisa

Note from Oliver:  Oliver is kind of wishy-washy about his love language. On cage-cleaning day it is “acts of service”, when I am telling him how beautiful and smart he is, it is is “words of affirmation”! But his number 1 love language all the time is freedom to fly!! Free as a bird around my living room!! It’s what he waits for all day, every day!

2x’s & 1/2

by lovesdoves, posted in Uncategorized

YUP! That’s my vehicle all the way at the back there in one of  the farthest spots!

Let me explain, though! I am not concerned about cars parking too close to me or my safety. I am  just not a big exercise freak… not even a little exercise freak! Even the word is unappealing to me. But exercise is congruent with a healthy life-style. So I make it happen by walking twice as far as necessary! Thus, the parking spot choice! If I can make little changes like this on a daily basis, then I am doing better than I was the day before! Victory in everyday life!

Here are some other good 30 minute choices:

Walking the soccer field during the kids’ practice = 120 calories

Vacuuming & dusting = 119 calories

Yard work = 178 calories

Sex (with your spouse) = 145 calories

All pretty great options and they are part of the lives we live!

For information about other activities and the calories they burn up, go to the Calorie Calculator and input your own favorites!

To lose one pound, you must burn 3,500 more calories than you take in as food! So the other part of my own personal equation is to eat half as much! Take whatever you want, fill your plate so you don’t feel deprived, but eat slowly and leave half of it. Store it for lunch tomorrow!! Simplicity at it’s finest!!

Here are some basic ideas of appropriate portion size:

3 ounces of lean meat or poultry

1 cup of fresh fruit or pasta

1 ounce of organic cheese per cube

1 gluten-free pancake

Move twice {2x’s} as much!!

Eat half {1/2} as much!!

And LIVE WELL!!

Lisa

 

Something that I have noticed about Oliver: He never gets fat! He always has food and he eats many times a day and he never gets fat! It’s an amazing phenomena! One that I am a teeny tiny bit jealous of. His body knows exactly how many calories to take in depending on how much flight time he’s had. He is constantly moving even while he is in his cage, only still while he is asleep. I am working to model my food intake based on my observations of this precious creature. Eat the foods that God has given me from the earth and eat it according to my level of activity. I learn from him daily. Thanks, Oliver!!

Socially-ept…

by lovesdoves, posted in Uncategorized

I consider myself someone that loves people…. but I have a confession… I love them less when I love myself less…. when I feel uncomfortable about the way I look, about the way my clothes fit, when my shoes feel hurt-y… I tend to hide out. I seclude and sequester myself away from everyone… I become anti-social. Shameful, I know.

I always {eventually} get back to my Bible… about why we are here…  about what God says about me… and my purpose… and I can tell you it is NOT to hide-out pretending I don’t exist. How can we spread the Word when we are invisible?  Well, there is always facebook and twitter and wordpress, but in my heart, I know that it is the Light of Christ in me that needs to shine… brightly and brilliantly. To be a witness in real time. To see other’s needs and help where I can, help where I am called… and as much as I enjoy my home, it offers a very limited view and a very limited access to the world.

So I need to leave it. I need to be out there. I need to serve in ways that God has prepared for me. I need to be obedient.

So I shake my crazy hair, clearing the lies out of my head about not being good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough. I do the best I can. I choose to choose better… food, beverages, activities, books, movies… better thoughts. And then I choose to be a social creature. The one I was made to be.

Tonight I was social. Tonight was an evening of enjoying my best friend/handsome husband/lover/chiropractor/protector, and two of our very dear friends… savoring the love and attention that was infused into a delicious meal… conversing about children, and chiropractic, business, and life… and realized that this is an immensely important aspect of living well.

Tonight I was living well.

In health and in love,

Lisa

 

A note about Oliver:  So Oliver’s favorite food is no longer available at our local pet shop. But as always Amazon came through and provided us with several domestic dove food options!! How thankful that he and I were!! Until I opened the bag and realized that this seed mixture had dried peas in it! Dried peas!! Have you ever seen them? Ever compared them to the size of a millet seed? Well, I have and I can tell you the pea is almost the size of Oliver’s head!! So I picked through all that bird seed, trying to pluck out all the peas… but I will admit to you, while we were away for the evening, about every 9 or 10 minutes, I would think about Oliver, wondering if he was in need of the Heimlich maneuver. Happily, he was singing away when we walked in! Dried peas scattered all over the bottom of his cage!! I’m telling you, the bird is brilliant!!

Emergency Clean-Up!!

by lovesdoves, posted in Emotional Health, Physical health

What do you do when you make a huge mess of your body by feeding it food that delights your taste buds but saturates it with fats and sugars and salts?? Cry maybe? Look in the mirror at that puffiness and say, “Ewwww, I’m never doing that again!”? Think about the aches and pains that you haven’t felt for months and say, “Yikes, why did they come back?” All decent options, I suppose, but I decided to take charge with a spontaneous detox day that started with a protein shake rich in Omega 3 and will finish it up with a quart of Spicy Citrus Detox Cocktail!!

Here’s the recipe:

To a blender container, add:

2 organic oranges, peeled and cut into large chunks

1 organic lemon, peeled and cut into chunks

1 inch piece of fresh ginger root, peeled

1 organic clove of garlic, peeled

1 Tablespoon of REAL maple syrup

2 Tablespoons pure olive oil or organic flaxseed oil

1/4 teaspoon organic ground cayenne pepper

1/4 teaspoon organic ground cloves

1 Tablespoon organic fresh cilantro

1 cup of fresh baby spinach leaves

Blend for 5 minutes on high speed until smooth and creamy! It will be a beautiful shade of yellow when it is done! Then add:

3-4 cups filtered water

Stir to combine and refrigerate. Enjoy 8 ounces at a time throughout the day with as many fresh vegetables as you can consume to minimize the inflammatory process and cleanse your liver and bloodstream!

So don’t despair if you have polluted your body with unhealthy food, or toxic beverages or both! Don’t let it become an excuse to stay on the “bad track”! Clean up the mess and start fresh tomorrow!! It’s as simple as that!!

Live well,

Lisa

Oliver is being extra quiet today. Sometimes he gives me the silent treatment after I have been gone for a couple of days! He’ll be back with his commentary next time.

“Yes, dear…”

by lovesdoves, posted in Uncategorized

One of the ways that Terry can tell that I am stressed is the deep furrows between my eyes. They become even deeper when I am concerned or upset about things happening in my life, either to me or around me. The furrows are a reminder of where I come from and who I came from. My Nonna had them as did my father, interchangeable, each like the others. They are a good barometer for my emotional health. The happier I am, the less noticeable they are. Caitlin has them, too, and I’m sure she’ll thank me later! I wear them with honor now, although I admittedly try to diminish them when at all possible. Like through conflict resolution.

We had a speaker, Jay Rothman, President of Aria Group, Inc., join us this past Thursday evening at Living Well Spine Center to share information regarding conflict resolution. He is world-renowned. Peace treaties, middle east conflicts, inner city struggles… all a very big deal. Ultimately, whether it’s countries or persons, what it gets down to, according to Jay, is the individuals involved. What is inside of each and every one of us. Being able to set aside pride and self-righteousness for the good of the relationship whether it is husband and wife, mother and daughter, boss and employee, doctor and patient, or kings and presidents, resolving conflict requires truly seeing things from another person’s perspective, to respect another opinion, whether it be in general, as another human being, or as specific as the man that you fell in love with, and deciding that this is an opportunity to find out more about yourself… what makes you who you are. Studies show that conflict of any kind whether it is with a spouse, child, or a neighbor, can result in bad habits, high blood pressure, overeating, and angina, not to mention the unnecessary wrinkles. A Danish study revealed that there is a three-fold risk of angina when in a tense relationship with an intimate partner, troubled relationships with children elevated the danger two times and conflict with a neighbor presented a 1.6-fold higher risk. As you begin to dismantle the conflict, the anger, which has prevented you from loving fully and completely, will slowly dissolve, which will give both parties an equal opportunity for spiritual growth and for living well.

Here are 7 steps to resolving conflict so that you may LIVE WELL:

1. Acknowledge it! Conflict is a normal part of life because we are all created in unique and special ways, therefore we think in unique and special ways which sometimes do not match.

2. Face it! Set aside PRIDE, FEAR, and STUBBORNNESS and face up to resolving the conflict.

3. Consider it! Not just with praying, thinking or forgetting about it. But do pray and consider these things:

a. Of the 3 major reasons for anger, hurt, frustration and fear, which one of those has caused you to be angry?

b. What is your desired outcome?

4. Approach it! Go directly to the person involved first!

5. Sensitize it! Talk privately, gently, thinking in terms of how you would want to be approached about an issue. Remembering the wise words of Solomon in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

6. Communicate it!

a. Describe clearly what you observed or felt. (Example: “You didn’t listen.”)

b. Give an explanation of how it hurt you. (Example: “My opinion didn’t matter to you.”)

c. Explain what the consequences have been like for you. (Example: “I feel resentful”, or “I feel like smacking you when you treat me like that.”)

d. Be specific about what you would like in the future, how you would like this behavior to change. Although an apology is a good start, changing implies that there will a difference, so be sure to state exactly what you would like to see happen in the future.

7. Reconcile it! If the goal is to restore the relationship, then there is no longer a need to prove who was right, or to retaliate against anyone, or to avoid interaction with them. To restore the relationship, you must remember that “conflict is inevitable, resentment is optional, and resolution is up to you.”

As illustrated in James 3:17-18, “…wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure: then peace-loving & considerate, submissive, full of mercy & good fruit, impartial & sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” By keeping those guidelines in mind, seeing things through God’s eyes, and protecting the good of the Kingdom, and by seeking the optimal desired outcome according to biblical standards as the foundation will allow both parties to ultimately succeed!

Live Well,

Lisa

P.S. Oliver said that things are very conflict-free around here, especially when the man is saying things like, “yes, honey”, “whatever you think is best, dear”, and “it’s completely up to you, beautiful wife”! Oliver is one perceptive bird!!